Each fall we take leave of our families
And migrate northwest from the Twin Cities
Out in the Arctic air where the truth abides
And the bonds of brotherhood are true and tried
And the grass is dying out but we feel alive...
In Fargo
-lyrics from the hit song "Fargo"
Well, this last weekend was the fourth annual visit to the land of Fargo. We started the trip in 2009 when our friend Matt "T-Bone" Trefz became a pediatric cardiologist M.D. and was transferred up to Fargo. Lonely as hell in Fargo, T-Bone invited us up his way, and we had such a fine time commiserating, eating, imbibing from the fruits of the vine, watching and playing football (yes, ill-advised as it sounds, two-hand touch style) and being men in general, we decided to make an annual event of it--even after T-Bone's loneliness was quelled by the bewitching beauty Karis, now his wife.
As we were driving up there last Friday night, the Wolves were battling the Golden State Warriors. Danno and I listened in a little on the car radio only to be chided by a half-sleeping Mike Carr a.k.a. "Goofy" (you know, the dumb-looking Disney character) as my three younger kids know him. Goofy is a strange sort of basketball fan. As a lifelong Minnesotan, Goofy is as knowledgable and interested about local sports as any, yet he refuses to support the Wolves--or the Vikings or the Twins for that matter--because...why? I don't know. He likes to complain more when they lose? He has a negative attitude? He wasn't loved as a child? Well, I know it wasn't the last option--Goofy's Mom is a saint, and I feel sorry for her that she had such a weird son.
Anyhow, I'll give you an example of Goofy's weird attitude toward the Wolves. So Danno and I were listening to the game in the car busting it up I-94, and for most of the second half, the Wolves were getting trounced. But then, like usual this season, they came back in the fourth quarter. Most of the second half, Goofy was out cold in the back seat. But he woke up just in time, apparently, to hear that the Wolves had cut the Warriors' deficit to 94-91, and to comment, "Turn the channel, they're going to lose."
"They're about to come back," I said, believing in the power of Alexi Shved.
"Terrible team," said Goofy. "Perennial losers. Shut it off."
Typical Goofy. Yeah, the Wolves lost, but not just because they're the Wolves, and not just because Goofy wanted them to. Times like that, you'd just like to smack him. I posed five questions to Goofy, which, surprisingly, he answered, the next day. Trefz--who took in one of the Wolves preseason games at the Fargodome earlier this fall--also weighed in on a couple of the questions. The following is a Q & A transcript of our discussion:
Nate Boots: Your childhood was rich
with basketball history having grown up in the Bloomington, Minnesota, area.
You even played high school basketball for a Minnesota coaching legend in Jack
Evens. So why hasn't this knowledge translated to your adulthood?
Mike
"Goofy" Carr: It has transferred. Our views on what type of player
Darko would be for the Twolves is very telling. You really need to buy a darko
jersey soon to fulfill your end of the bet. [Ed. Note: the bet Goofy refers to
was a bet wagered in 2010 about Darko Milicic in which I bet Carr that
Darko would become an NBA All-Star within the then-recent four-year contract he
had signed with the Wolves. I lost this bet, which meant that I would have
to refer to Carr as the "Master of Basketball Knowledge" for one
calendar year AND buy a Darko jersey which I would wear three times within
that calendar year to public events of Carr's choosing. It is the one dark spot on my otherwise largely successful wagering career vs Goofy.]
Boots: You've
lived in Minnesota your whole life. Why do you hate the Timberwolves so much?
Carr: If you look
at the Wolves' history, it is actually pretty
unbelievable how awful this franchise has been. Donyell Marshall, JR Rider,
Paul Grant, Rasho Nestorvic,William Avery, Ndubi Ebi (my alltime favorite one),
Rashard McCants, Corey Brewer,Johnny Flynn, Wesley Johnson. [Ed. Note: Name misspellings left Carr style.] Not to mention the Stephon Marbury disaster. Ray
Allen would have looked good in Twolf uniform. Also, Brandon Roy when he was a
rookie and had good knees. Has a 2nd round pick ever panned out? The Joe
Smith mess killed them. I liked Flip. How could you root for Sprewell
after his "feed the family” comments? Running Flip out, McHale coaching,
Firing Casey who actually was doing ok, Rambis running the triangle with a
group that couldn't do it, Khanzie, etc. etc. Besides Garnett, Love trade, the
hiring of Adelman, and possibly Rubio (yet to be determined), if you looked at
this objectively what type of grade would you give this organization? It is
very hard to get on board with this track record.
Boots: What do you
make of the Timberwolves' newest Russian additions, Andrei Kirilenko and Alexey
Shved?
Carr: I like them.
They were fun to watch in the Olympics. Shved looks a lot like Toni Kukoc with
the new haircut. I thought AK47 was a good player in Utah.
Trefz: I think they should make a giant banner with the images if
Shved, Kirilenko, and Pekovic with the heading "The Iron Curtain".
It will go down in Minnesota sports lore like the Purple People Eaters.
Additionally, there should be a Shveddy Balls night with a signed mini-basketball
handed out to each of the first 1,000 kids who show up to the game. The
fact that these two ideas have not yet been hatched and put into action is an
epic marketing failure in my opinion.
Boots: When the
Timberwolves make the playoffs and surprise people by season's end, what will
you be saying then?
Carr: 1) I will be
shocked if they make the playoffs. 2) They have to win games at home
against Charlotte and Golden State to be taken seriously. 3) Injuries are a part of the game. I was excited last year when
they were in the mix and with Adelman coaching.
Trefz: Those are both two giant assumptions. More likely, your
experience with the team this year (and in years to come) will be like that of
any garden variety Detroit Lions fan.
Boots: When Tubby
Smith gets fired by the Gophers, do you think the Timberwolves should hire him
to be their new equipment manager, yes or no?
Carr: No. This
needs to be the year for Tubby. Hoping sweet 16. He has the pieces. I am hopeful
they can get it done.
Trefz: Tubby will win a national championship within the next five
years and go down as the greatest coach in Gophers history. By the way,
my wife once declared she went out on a date with his son Saul. This
stated while munching on mediocre chicken as she was obliged to watch to
the Gophers lose to Iowa in spectacular fashion with an appalled and gloomy
table partner at a Buffalo Wild Wings...because the GD Big Ten Network isn't
carried in the Cable One standard cable package in Fargo, ND!! I always
assume she's lying when she says stuff like that, but I could be wrong. END of TRANSCRIPT
Though the Wolves lost Friday, the weekend was a success. I'll enjoy calling these two fellows up in a few months to ask if they'd like to hit a Wolves playoff game or two.
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