Trading Down

The Wolves' new man, Luc Mbah a Moute

  Derrick Williams traded to the Kings for Luc Mbah a Moute. Hmmmm....

  Nope, I don't like it. 

  And it constitutes the second Flip Saunders trade in a row (and overall in his role as Wolves GM) that makes it look, at the outset at least, as if the Wolves have been swindled. The Wolves are trading a third-year player who's just 22 years old and was picked number two overall in the 2011 draft for a fifth-year, second-round pick who's 27 and is a bit role player at best? Excuse me while I grimace. 

  It's hard to believe that Mbah a Moute is the best the Wolves could do. For the love of Pete, he was just acquired by Sacramento four months ago for a pair of 2nd round picks in the future, the NBA's equivalent of baseball's "player to be named later." What did he do in Sacramento that led him to raise status enough to be considered the equal value of a third-year #2 overall first rounder? The answer to that is: start 5 out of 9 games for the godawful Kings this season, averaging 4.4 points, 3 rebounds, 2 personal fouls, a steal, and a half a block per 21.9 minutes of game action. Keeeee-rist. Sure, some guys' value isn't best measured statistically (and Mbah a Moute seems verymuch like this type of guy). But Keeeeee-rist. 

  Lest you think I'm hanging this all on Flip, be aware that he only gets 44% of the blame in my ledger. Rick Adelman gets 39% of the blame. I'm still trying to figure out what D-Will did to torque off Coach A enough to so obviously detest him. Did D-Will make a personally offensive joke in a film session? Take a potential bar hookup away from one of Adelman's sons on a road trip? Steal one of Rick's in-game cough drops? D-Will seemed to try to slim down when they told him to slim down. He didn't openly bitch about his role...which was paltry, considering his draft position. He was one of the only guys to play the majority of the season (78 of 82 games) on an injury-riddled team. He averaged 12 points and 5.5 boards. He brought some athleticism. He's a pup!

  Derrick himself is 16% to blame. I didn't like seeing him get routinely toasted on D, especially in the post, any more than Adelman or anyone else. I grew tired of his too-laid-back demeanor. I was frustrated by his lack of putting it all together. And it's Derrick's fault that he hasn't put it together yet. But he's 22. Younger than a lot of college seniors. 

  The last 1% of blame falls to David Kahn. And really, that 1% is on Glen Taylor, for having to get rid of Kahn after having hired him, which made Flip not want to keep Kahn's misdeeds around. Kahn had to pick D-Will at #2 in 2011. Some experts were even predicting he'd be the next Rookie of the Year.

  Anyway... it was nice knowing you, D-Will. Good luck. Hope DeMarcus Cousins doesn't rub off on you too much in Sacto. Tune in January 15, folks, to see D-Will, in a Kings uni, dunk on Kevin Love's head at Target Center. Any new posters to replace the D-Will in Archie's room can be sent my way.

  In other news, the Wolves are average. Last night's loss to the Pacers dropped them to 8–8, meaning they've lost 6 of their last 9 games after starting promisingly at 5–2. The schedule's tough right now, and it's getting tougher. The Wolves will likely be the betting man's underdog in four of their next five games. 

  This season is following last's in the scary-same trajectory. Last year, the Wolves also started off 5–2, fell to 8–8, peaked at 12–9, and then bit the dust hard on their way to 31–51. Should the 2013–14 Wolves stay healthy, I could see them reversing that record of a year ago to go 51–31 and make the playoffs. But they'll need to take care of ...

 

Five Ugly-Ass Imperfections That’ve Cropped Up

Whoops. I turned it over. Again. It's okay, though.

1-Kevin Martin’s … gunning. Selfishness. Softness. Over ball-handling. Reluctance to pass the ball to Ricky Rubio and take it up the court himself…at a jog. Inability to finish at the rim. Wimpy skinniness. Lackadaisical facial expressions. Lack of defensive desire.

2-Kevin Love’s … over-reliance on the three-point shot. Streakiness. Lack of hustle. Tendency to bitch at the refs to the detriment of the Wolves' transition D. Tendency to bitch at the refs in a way that shows them up…never a good way to get the next call. Reluctance to pass the ball out of the post. Affinity for fading away in the post instead of using good footwork to get to the rim or sideways (to avoid getting blocked and find some daylight). Many turnovers. Hubris.

Doink. Thwap. Smack.

3-Ricky Rubio’s crummy shooting form. The shot is broke. He needs a reconstructive surgery on it. The ball has no arc. The ball about bonks his head each time he hoists it. It’s ridiculous considering his understanding of passing angles and arcs and speeds and touch. Ricky's too pretty to possess such an ugly shot--especially one that doesn't go in at a rate of 40% or better. He could shoot lefty and have a better chance of putting it in the hole…at least off the dribble, anyway. And he needs to start working the reverse lay-up rather than the straightline lay-up attempts that end up blocked, crotched or flung off the glass in a style reminiscent of one of ex-Pup Marco Jaric's perfidious lay-up attempts. 

4-Adelman’s stubbornness with the bench. This team’s going nowhere if he doesn’t find a way to get something out of Alexey Shved (how bout play him at the point for one 5-minute stretch per game—especially when Barea’s sucking eggs), Robbie Hummel (who needs to settle in and start hitting open shots…or watch the window for having an NBA career slam shut), Gorgui Dieng (for 10 strategic minutes a game…in which he’ll record three blocks and commit three fouls and a turnover, but hey, it’ll get better, and Pek can’t survive this many minutes, so do it for Pek), and Shabazz Muhammad (until Neon Chase gets back, to spell Brew and Robbie and throw teams a change-up). Hopefully Mbah a Moute can step in to help some here. But I don't see how he's not redundant with Dante Cunningham, an Adelman pet.

Ricky busting Team USA with the P&R in the Olympics in 2008.

5-Adelman’s reluctance to embrace Ricky Rubio. Ricky's a goddamn gamer, Coach A. Stop taking him out with two fouls in the first quarter. Stop benching his ass in the fourth. Live with his messed up shot and occasional turnover. He makes up for his mistakes most of the time. In 16 games, the Wolves have scored 105 more points than the opponent when he's on the floor. The guy is absolutely money in the pick and roll, and the one stretch of the game that the Timberwolves were thumping the Pacers (the best team in the NBA, at their den) was when Ricky pick n rolled with Pek and Love for the early part of the third quarter.
It was unstoppable against the best defense in the NBA. And, by nature, the pick and roll is indefensible. If the Wolves aren't running the break, 90% of their half court offense should be pick and roll. For a handbook, see Phoenix Suns video from 2005 to 2009. Or old Utah Jazz tape featuring John Stockton to Karl Malone where the bastards never had a losing season for 20 years The Wolves have a player who is unstoppable when running a certain play that happens to be indefensible. I sure wish they'd use it. 

.

Breaking Down the Bench

Photo by Noah Graham

All right. Seven wins and six losses. Should be 11–2, or 10–3 at worst. Coach Rick Adelman’s been adamant that these T-Wolves can’t have even a single guy having an off night if this team expects to win. And the T-Wolves don’t have time to screw around losing games to the woeful Cavs or Wizards, or to the Clippers at home, if they want to make a serious playoff run this season.

There are 12 men per team that don uniforms for each NBA game, which means that more guys are sitting on the bench during live action than are playing on the court. The 58% of the active roster is the main reason the Wolves are faltering. The best teams can overcome a star’s off game (like Kevin Martin had in D.C. and like 2-for-14-shooting Kevin Love had vs the Clippers last night). With a productive bench.

But Adelman clearly doesn’t trust a number of the guys on the Minny bench. Dante Cunningham and JJ Barea aside, the bench is the Wolves’ early season Achilles heel.

So let’s break it down in descending order of player value…  

Ronny Turiaf and Chase Budinger are injured.

JJ Barea has been streaky as hell, but he’s a nice changeup from Rubio, and he doesn’t back down—an important quality on this team. I wish Adelman had a better feel with how to use him—his extended PT in the fourth quarter vs the Wiz might’ve been the reason the Wolves lost. Rubio’s got to have those minutes because he’s a gamer.

Dante Cunningham has been streaky, too, shooting-wise, but he routinely crashes the boards and plays D—and made my heart sing with a choice leather eater on Pouty Face Blake Griffin last night.

Robbie Hummel seems to be Coach A’s only bench pet this season, but we’ll see what happens to him when Neon Chase returns. Here’s hoping Hummel makes the most of his opportunities. The threeball needs to start going in at about a 50% clip.

Alexey Shved has seemed to get worse with less court time. While that makes sense, his shortened leash is a little puzzling considering Adelman gave Shved more minutes last season than he deserved. Of course injuries played a factor, but there were other guys Adelman could’ve played, too. My theory on Shved is that he’s lonely for his Russian buddy and American cultural guide Andrei Kirilenko, who’s spasmed off to the Nets.

Gorgui Dieng is very green and foul prone at this point, but the season is young, and I expect him to adapt to the point where it wouldn’t surprise me to see him contributing eventually. He’s old for a rookie these days (24 in Jan.), and seems like one of those quick adapters.

AJ Price is one of those guys you need on the end of a bench—good towel-waiver (an important bench quality—I’m not kidding), hustler, underdog. Shabazz Muhammad is one of those guys you’d like to get off your bench—there’s a D-League, you know.

And that brings us to Derrick Williams, the LVP of the Wolves’ bench. Oh he’s got value as a trade chip. But he’s doing the Wolves no good in a Minnesota uniform. So let’s give his spot to somebody who can help Rick Adelman stop giving 40 minutes a game to the starters. Thus a proposal…

Five Derrick Williams Trade Scenarios That Make Sense for the Timberwolves

1. Omer Asik for Derrick Williams

Seven-foot center Omer Asik wants out of Houston after the Rockets signed Dwight Howard for funny money this summer and decided that they can’t play Asik and Howard together. D-Will gets no playing time in Minny behind Kevin Love. The Wolves are looking for veteran big men who can fill the role that the broken elbowed Ronny Turiaf was slated for. The Rockets don’t give a crap about playing defense anyway, so D-Will could fit right in. Both players’ contracts run through next year and are similar, dollar-wise. Maybe Wolves GM Flip Saunders and Rockets coach Kevin McHale (how’s that for a flip-flop of roles?) could re-connect over the trade. No one likes them not being buds. Franc Garcia and Omri Casspi constitute attractive flotsam for Shabazz jetsam.

2. Jason Thompson and Jimmer Fredette for Derrick Williams and Shabazz Muhammad

Seems like the Sacramento Kings might be getting the better end of the bargain here until you realize that D-Will and Bazz-Mo are doing zilch for the Wolves this year. Thompson is a bit herky-jerky (in a bad way) and something of a foulmaster, but he’d bring the Wolves serviceable back-up value to Big Pek. Jimmer is buried on the bench in Sacto, but that don’t mean he bad. He seems to have a little JJ Reddick in him to me. Or Luke Ridnour—whom the Wolves started for like the last three years round these parts. Two other Kings small forwards are also attractive, including K-Love’s college teammate at UCLA Luc Mbah a Moute (who plays D) and Travis Outlaw (who plays O).

3. Evan Turner for Derrick Williams

I have no idea why the upstart Sixers would trade their leading scorer this season for Derrick Williams, but I would like it. And it wouldn’t have seemed so silly last year about this time when these guys were averaging similar stats and seemed redundant to their respective teams, position-wise. One reason the Sixers might consider it is that Turner is in the last year of his contract while D-Will’s papers are for two more.

4. Gerald Wallace and Brandon Bass for Derrick Williams and Shabazz Muhammad

Wallace is getting ornery in Boston and seems to want the hell out of there after being traded to rebuilding Boston right after signing a big deal for supposedly competitive Brooklyn. He’s always played D, and he’d fit right in with the Wolves—even played for Rick Adelman his first three years in the L in Sacramento. His contract is for $10 mill per year, but some trade sweeteners could easily be thrown in to make this work. Would love it if the Wolves could somehow pry Brandon Bass from the ’Tics, too, and jettison Bazz. Maybe Flip Saunders could remind Danny Ainge how we traded him a championship by handing him Garnett back in 06 and Ainge would feel sorry and karmic for us and just make it happen.

5. Kevin Love for… You Name It

I know Kevin Love is having a nice season, statistically. But Derrick Williams isn’t a dog (and he’s still so young!), and he’d look good in the starting lineup at PF next to Pek and K-Mart and Brewer and Rubio. And what Love could bring in the way of riches right now is pretty tantalizing, if you think about it. Bradley Beal and Marcin Gortat from D.C.? LaMarcus Aldridge and Nic Batum (you think Portland go wild to have native son Love back?) Al Horford and Kyle Korver from Atlanta? Andre Drummond and Rodney Stuckey from Detroit? With a draft pick or two going the right way, I’d do any of these.

Having Some Fun

“That was fun. That was fun to be a part of.”

 - Magic coach Jacque Vaughn, after his team lost to the T-Wolves in O.T.

“This is such a fun team to play on. Nobody is trying to lead the league in scoring here. Everybody has the big picture of getting to the playoffs. That’s one thing I told young guys that have never been there. It’s about team ball and just playing for one another. That’s what makes teams fun to play on.”

 - T-Wolves two-guard Kevin Martin, after the Wolves beat the Knicks to go 3-0

Fun. A little goes a long way at work, in relationships, and definitely in NBA basketball.

With the Wolves’ first five games in the books to start off the 2013–14 season, fun is the best descriptor of the action thus far after an opening night overtime win over the Magic, two impressive victories over playoff-quality squads in the Thunder and the Knicks, a one-point loss to the Cavs that featured a furious, though ultimately futile, Wolves comeback, and a losing battle to the Warriors that nonetheless featured two of the up-and-coming-est teams in the NBA.

I’m on the fives right now, so let’s do…

The Five Most Fun Developments/Surprises of the Wolves’ First Five Games:

1-Big Engine Offense

When it’s hitting on all cylinders—as it was during the team’s 3–0 start—this team can score in a variety of ways. In those first three games, the Wolves dominated the early action by averaging 37.3 points in the first quarter. This was achieved by the starters clicking well together and Rubio setting the pace.

2-Serviceable Defense

More surprising than the high octane O has been the very decent D. Again, the first three games were much better efforts all-around, and especially on defense. Against the Thunder, Corey Brewer—who looks every bit as capable as the departed Andrei Kirilenko to be the Wolves’ wing stopper—hassled league-leading scorer Kevin Durant in a 13-point performance. And against the Knicks, the Wolves gave up just two points in the last four minutes to shut down NY’s late rally and win the ballgame.

3-K-Mart

The most refreshing breath of air has come via the skills of Kevin Martin, the old dog on the team at age 30. His 3-point marksmanship and breezy offensive game (no standing around, no pounding the ball, quick moves, quick shots) has been as infectious as Rubio’s passing can be. Hopefully this will really rub off on JJ Barea. It’s unlikely that Martin will keep up his fiery shooting from deep (56% over the first five games), but if he can keep averaging close to the 21 ppg per night pace he’s on and keep up that good ball movement, he’s going to be very valuable to the Woofs. He doesn’t seem as terrible on D as advertised, either.

4-K-Love

Seems that Kevin Love’s attitude has improved somewhat. And his game thus far has been very good. After winning the Western Conference Player of the Week, he said, “It’s cool… but I’d take a 3-0 start over any of that. Big thanks to my teammates and coaches.” Good answer, Kev, good answer. The 3ball he made opening night to send the game into OT was great—though I fear it did send his confidence soaring too high; the clanked three he settled for as a possible game-winner in Cleveland could have been taken a lot closer to the hoop.

One of the best quotes I’ve seen in ages—or possibly ever—from a player came from Kevin Durant during an article published in SI during the 2013 playoffs.

Said Durant:

Let’s say you’ve got 40 apples on your tree. I could eat about 30 of them, but I’ve begun limiting myself to 15 or 16. Let’s take the wide-open three and the post-up at the nail. Those are good apples. Let’s throw out the pull-up three in transition and the step-back fadeaway. Those are rotten apples. The three at the top of the circle—that’s an in-between apple. We only want the very best on the tree.

Our man Kevin Love could become WAY choosier about his apples.

5-Pluck

Love’s opening night 3. The whupping of the Thunder. The barging into the Garden and throttling of the Knicks. The comeback versus the Cavs. That’s a lot of chutzpah in the first week of the season.  

To keep things balanced, a slightly less verbose list of…

Five Areas for Wolves Improvement:

1-Ricky’s shot. 

C’mon Ricky! For a man with such pinpoint accuracy on his passes, not to mention the fact that he shoots above 80% from the foul line, Ricky’s field goal attempts have always seemed inordinately broke. You can see him trying too hard to take shots he thinks he needs to take rather than going by feel. Improved shot selection is the next step toward All-Star status. It’ll come.

2-K-Love’s infatuation with the 3ball. 

Get over your longball, Kev. No need to, as Sylvia Plath said, “masturbate a glitter.”

3-Not feeding Pek enough. 

Big man’s hungry. Throw him a few potatoes.

4-D-Will’s well-deserved dissatisfaction. 

After getting a DNP the first night despite there being legitimate public debate about whether Derrick Williams would START at the small forward slot, many were left wondering, including me. Feel like Adelman just dislikes D-Will.

5-Losing to the Cavs. 

That should’ve been a win. And in a tight West, the Wolves will need every win they can get.

Excited to see what happens next.

Best case over next three games:

-Back-on-track win over Dallas at home

-First win over the Lakers in eons

-Give the Clipjoint a good game

Starting Fives: The LeBounce Timberwolves and NBA Preview

Five Reasons to Be Excited for Timberwolves Basketball in 2013–14

1.They’re Going to Be Good

The Wolves have had good players in place for the last two seasons, but they’ve been taken away by injuries. Save for Chase Budinger, they’re all looking healthy as the 2013–14 season commences, and they’re going to win markedly more than they lose. Offensively, especially, this team is arguably the best on paper that the Wolves have ever had.

2.The Unique Talents of Their Best Three Players

Ricky Rubio is a passer unparalleled. Those who remember watching Larry Bird play—and the uncommon knack he had for seeing things a split second before everyone else—will enjoy Rubio’s similar sensibilities. Passing is the most undervalued skill a basketball player can possess when the name of the game is finding the open man and putting the ball in the basket. It breeds unselfishness, too, which the best teams must come to possess.

Kevin Love has shown streaks of selfishness and disloyalty and overconfidence. But he has otherworldly skill as a hustling rebounder, and in this pursuit he can be as selfish as he wants—it’ll just mean more rebounds for the Wolves. What’s more, it’s always enjoyable to watch a hustler who has a knack for getting into position and snaring missed shots against taller, meatier clods. Now, if he could just refrain from gunning too many threes and bitching at the refs instead of running down the court….

Nikola Pekovic is a beast. The way he routinely bowls over sexier-looking athletes under the hoop with his raw-boned force is a gorgeous thing. Honestly, when my 5-year-old son Archie and I visited practice earlier this month in Kato, just watching Pek take a drink at the water cooler was awe-inspiring—I saw the experience of Pek guzzling that water, tattoos rippling and sweat dripping, burn a hole in Archie’s brain. An injury-free year could mean the best season from a Wolves center in franchise history. Though Randy Breuer, Luc Longly, Felton Spencer, Rasho Nesterovic, Dean Garrett, Ervin Johnson, Mark Blount, Al Jefferson, and Sweet Darko Nesterovic don’t make for the gamest competition. Not that I was trying to disparage those guys.

3. It’s Been A Long Time Since Minnesota Had a Good Team

This will be the tenth season since the Wolves made the playoffs last. And that was a hell of a team in 2003–04. Did you realize the Wolves had the best regular season recond in the entire NBA that year? Yep, 58–24. Starting five of Sammy Cassell, Trenton Hassell, Latrell Srewell, KG, and Ervin Johnson, with Freddy Hoiberg, T-Hud, Wally, Mad Dog, and Gary Trent off the bench. Ironically, it was the last time that newly-hired for this season GM Flip Saunders spent an entire season with Minnesota—his firing halfway through the next season started the Wolves’ unraveling.

4.Nearly Every Important Player on Their Team Is Still Improving

This team really does have youth and improvement on its side. Kevin Love, Ricky Rubio, Derrick Williams, Alexey Shved, Chase Budinger, and Corey Brewer are all entering their peaks. Pekovic, JJ Barea, and Dante Cunningham are in their peaks. Only Kevin Martin are Ronny Turiaf are past their physical primes. And of the three rookies, Robbie Hummel, Gorgui Dieng, and Shabazz Muhammad, small contributions are possible. Hummel, in particular, could sneak up the Rookie of the Year charts in a weak year for rookies if Adelman carves out some playing time for him. 

5.They’re Going to Surprise People

Of the national pundits, most leave the Wolves either out of the playoffs or throw them in the eighth spot. I’m telling you here that they’ll be sixth or better in the ultracompetitive Western Conference—and will win a playoff series.

Five Things that Could Propel Wolves Success

1.Coach Adelman

For Minnesota fans, please enjoy the wisest coach you’ve ever had in the cage. I think he’s got that desire, still, and I know he’s got that knowledge. He often looks like he ate some bad nachos on the bench, but a little crotchety ain’t a bad thing.

2.Fresh Legs

The youth and rested/recovered players who were injured and have returned full strength should be a definite plus over a long NBA season.

3.Familiarity

Love and Rubio spent 28 minutes together on the court in 2012-13. A full preseason together should bode well for them. Other players, such as Kevin Martin and Chase Budinger, are disciples of Adelman’s “system,” having played for him in prior stints. The more these guys play together, the better they’ll be.

4.Winning Environment

I think they’ll start off with four wins in their first six games. I think things will build from there. Winning is contagious.

5.Better D Than Anticipated

Triggered by Rubio, I think the Wolves D will surprise some. Like passing (or ballhogging), hard-nosed defense (or lazy D) is infectious. I think Rubio’s a world-class anticipator (second in NBA in steals last yr), and I think that while Pek doesn’t block a lot of shots, he wears other guys out with the chest-to-chest stuff. Corey Brewer’s no slouch. Love and D-Will look visibly more in shape, too, which should bode well for the defensive end of the court. And I can’t wait to get me some Gorgui Dieng in there to flyswat a few shots. Let’s go, Gorgui.

Five things that could undercut Wolves success

1.Nice Guy Nonsense

Like the 2010 Twins, the Wolves have a lot of good guys. When the Twinks lost Torii Hunter (oh, it still hurts!), they lost their fight. The best Wolves team in franchise history had the feisty Kevin Garnett, fearless Sam Cassell, hardnosed Trent Hassell, and coach-choker Latrell Sprewell on the roster. This is where the loss of Andrei Kirilenko to the Nets in the offseason especially stings. Other than JJ Barea and Pek, I don’t see a lot of nasty on this roster.

2.Injuries

New ones or recurrent ones could be a death knell. Looking at the injuries of last year, though, they shouldn’t affect the hurt parties too badly. Rubio’s game is less predicated on great wheels than it is on a great head. Kevin Love’s hand should be fine, especially for rebounding. Pek worries me, just because he’s so powerful and seemingly tightly strung. Like if you asked him to touch his toes, his hands might not make it past his kneecaps.

3.Defensive Softness

Yeah, we’ll miss Kirilenko here. We’ll even miss The Steamer, Greg Stiemsma. But while a lot of people think the Wolves are going to suck on D, I just don’t. Smart players don’t suck at anything. Wolves are smart.

4.Great Competition in the West

A lot of experts out there are saying that any one of six teams in the West (not including the Wolves, of course) could rep the West in the Finals. While I think that the Spurs, Clippers, and Thunder as contenders, I consider the Grizzlies, Warriors, and Rockets a step below. And I wouldn’t sleep on the Lakers or the Mavericks. This type of competition could also drive Wolves to be better, especially by season’s end.

5. Love Selfishness/Chemistry

I’m really hoping K-Love doesn’t pull that crap he did last year where he went all disloyal on Minnesota. That kind of thing kills chem. Better to ship a dip than keep that kind of garbage around. But I’m hoping Rubio and Adelman rub off on him enough to make a dif.

Five Former Wolves I’d Like to See Give Jim Peterson a Run for TV Color Commentary

1.Trent Tucker – Bring the best basketball announcer in Wolves history back, Big Fellas!

2.Sam Cassell – Guy never seemed to stop talking…wait…that could be a bad thing

3.Wally Szczerbiak – Might sound like a dip, but he always looked pretty

4.Mark Mad Dog Madsen – I’d just like to hear what he’s up to, and it would be safely G-rated

5.Trevor Winter – I played against this guy when he starred for Slayton High and he was smart as shit; holds fascinating career NBA stats of one game played: hack-a-Shaq-ing, he committed five fouls in five minutes.

Five NBA Teams That Could Win It All

Heat

Any time that a team’s won two straight ’Chips and returns an intact team, they’ve gotta be contenders, right? But I’ve read explanations from lots of pundits who, if betting, would take the field over the Heat. Count me as one of them. But I’m definitely nudged that way because I can’t stand LeBron James’ coddled persona, Dwyane Wade’s mugging, and Chris Bosh’s needless hype. Save for Shane Battier, Greg Oden’s comeback attempt, and Ray Allen’s gorgeous shooting motion, this team is just gag-inducing to me.

Spurs

Love the way that Popovich coaches in general—though he definitely choked in some of the endgame Finals decisions last season, especially in Game 6. But the system he’s installed there just seems to make the Spurs competitive year after year, no matter who they plug in. That said, Kawhi Leonard and Tony Parker look set to shine this year, along with the Spurs’ newest get, Marco Belinelli, who could be the next Manu for S.A.

Bulls

Great defense here is no secret key to the Bulls’ title hopes. Getting D-Rose back and healthy is another boon. I just like how their parts fit, the selfness nature of most of their best players, including Joakim Noah, Luol Deng, Kirk Heinrich, Mike Dunleavy, and Taj Gibson.

Clippers

The Clippers have never done shit. But that should really change this year unless all their dudes break their ACLs like all the Clippers in the Old Days used to. Doc Rivers gives them some credibility, and I see this team improving throughout the year and peaking at the right time. If the Clippers bad juju doesn’t kneecap them.

Wolves

Ah, why the hell not? This is another team that—if it stays healthy—will be on a steady ascent as the season unfolds. I think that a good coach, teamwide smarts, and positive chemistry are the ultimate weapons in this game, and I think that a variety of T-Pups are coming into their own and are ready to display unforeseen levels of skill and production.

Five NBA Teams That Should Be Relegated to the NBDL

1.Charlotte

Anyone else think that the Bobshits are just the third best basketball team in their state despite being the only pro squad? In any seven game series, the college boys over at Duke or UNC would top the Bobbers, I’d bet. Would you bet Al Jefferson and Kemba Walker over the latest McDonalds All-Americans that Coach K has put together and meticulously coached?

2.Philly

Why the Sixers have tanked it so fast is a mystery to me. Just two years ago, they won a playoff series. Obviously, the Andrew Bynum signing fouled them up last year, and why they took a chance on him was anybody’s guess. But they sure fell fast and are looking listless.

3.Boston

Boston looks like Minnesota back in 2006 when the Wolves traded away Garnett. Now it’s Boston that jettisoned KG (and Paul Pierce, and Jason Terry), and the Celtics are left with a bunch of crappy chuckers like Kris Humphries and Jordan Crawford and Brandon Bass and…I’m bored.

4.Orlando

I feel sorry for Orlando. They were tantalized by Dwight Howard, who never grew up and then complained his way out of town. Coach Jacque Vaughn has a thoroughly undermanned roster, though I hope he guides Victor Oladipo—the jazziest NBA rookie of the bunch this season—to a higher place…like maybe via a trade to Minnesota. We’d give you Derrick Williams and JJ Barea and Ronny Turiaf, I bet.

5.Phoenix

Love the choice of new coach in Jeff Honacek. Just seems like the right kind of former NBA player to be a good coach—never an outright star, but always getting the most out of his own limited skills and playing a winning style. The Phoenix players, on the other hand, bite hard. At least they shitcanned Beasley before he could give everybody the ickies.

Five Most Annoying Things About the NBA

1.The overhyping of “King” James – the commercials with him these days are just fawningly ridiculous. He's won two titles. Take the crown off, please.

2.Free Agency Speculation – Can we just watch, review, and theorize instead of speculate? I'm not going to give a shit all season long what Carmelo Anthony does once the season's over.

3.Reggie Miller, Shaq, and Chris Webber on TV. And any other ex-player who finds himself in a suit behind a desk with a microphone in front of his mouth, yet doesn’t know how to articulate anything other then rote cliche.

4.Coastal Preferential Treatment – Sicka the Knicks and ’Tics. Sicka the Lakers and Clips.

5.Fouls and substitutions and free throws. And replays. Let’s keep it moving. See hockey. See soccer. See Naismith's original rules.

Five Wishes for the NBA in 2013­–14

1.That Dwight Howard would fail in Houston and people would see why.

2.That the Van Gundy Bros would start a reality show – I nominate them to succeed Adelman in Minny in two or three years, btw. Co-head coaches.

3.That the Lakers would play like playoff contenders before Kobe comes back, and then suck.

4.That NBA ticket prices were more affordable.

5.That the NBA would feature its teams over its players. The game over the dunk.

Grading Ten T-Wolves Offseason Moves

1. Kahn Out – C

  Always felt like Kahn sort of never really had a chance at GMing the Wolves long term, not with the petulant treatment he received from the media—led by the childish antics of Bill Simmons and his dead horse-beaten KAHHHNNN! joke that wore poorly with me halfway through the first time I heard it. It always seemed ironic that Simmons’ main objection to Kahn was that he rose to the GM spot by way of an unorthodox path—journalist, salary cap expert, and lawyer rather than ballplayer.

Headier times for Kahn and Rubes.

  But isn’t that how Simmons sort of set himself apart with his fan’s perspective/self-made blogger/writer/common man approach? Isn’t his damnation of Kahn a damnation of himself? I go between liking to read Simmons because he occasionally displays an original sense of humor and getting really annoyed with his undeserved, Boston Baked Bean-centric whininess. Watching SImmons on the NBA draft telecast this year for the first time was a perfect example. He was entertaining until the Garnett/Pierce trade left the Celtics bereft, after which he pouted and louted and got called an idiot by Doc Rivers.

  I thought Kahn left the Wolves in better condition when he left than they were in when he arrived. Among his best moves were drafting and coaxing Rubio to play in Minnesota and attracting Coach Adelman. His worst moves: drafting Jonny Flynn over Steph Curry and not figuring out how to make the media like him more.

2. Flip In – B

  Always said that the downfall of the mid-2000-to-present-day Wolves began with the 2005 firing of Coach Flip Saunders. I think Flip’s a good coach who excels at strategizing offense and managing in-game substitutions and treats players how they’d like to be treated. numbskull extraordinaire.

Be funnier if we'd'a got a shooter in the Draft.

Unfortunately, players—if they’re of poor character—will take advantage of this, and I think this has happened to Flip at least twice now if you look at his tenures with the Pups and the Whizz. Man, was he saddled with some clowns, though, in D.C.—Andray Blatche and Gil Arenas and JaVale McGee, a

  Hard to say how Flip will do at the GM spot for the Wolves—I get the feeling his talents would’ve been better served if he’d have accepted the Gophers (lame) offer to coach up some college ball. There’s also the weird deal where you have an old coach who probably won’t be in the jockey seat for more than a couple years, leaving Flip as the obvious coach-in-waiting. But on the plus side, Flip’s been a boon to a mostly acarpous franchise. Fans trust him, and so does, apparently, Glen Taylor.

3. Securing Adelman – B

  Seems like Adelman was hanging by a thread by season’s end. But I wonder if some of the offseason stuff—especially the hiring of Flip and ditching of Kahn—re-attracted him. I think he genuinely likes the roster, too, and feels like his mark on Pups hoops in Minnesota has been largely…postponed, for lack of a better word. Seems like he’s the best man to coach the guys in dusty blue, black, and white, and that this next season could be much more fulfilling. And watching him coach, you can tell he still cares and knows what he’s doing. Credit management for taking it easy with Coach A, giving him plenty of leeway to deal with his wife’s health problems, and putting other organizational pieces in place that appeal to him. Two more years of Adelman would be great—three or four a treat.

4. Love at the Draft – C

  Corny. Transparent. Predictable. And I guess he didn’t bring us any damn luck, anyway. Kev’s got a long way to go to being a genuinely good dude in my book. I mean, the money that gets thrown at some of these young athletes makes it tough for them to be humble, grateful, all that. But you only get one life. You gots to pick up the requisite lessons somewhere.

  Maybe I’m too tough on Love. Hahaha…like he cares.

5. Drafting Shabazz – D

Let's see if Bazz-Man's got more tricks up his sleeve.

  I didn’t like the drafting of Shabazz Muhammad at all. Seemed like a mistake, and I was left waiting the entire draft for another move that would leave Bazz traded to some other team. But I guess he’s here to stay. And hog the ball. And go only left. And play no D. And work on his rep as a me-first brat. And make us Minnesotans forget how the shaky-ass Gophs schooled him and the Bruins in the Tourney last March.

6. Drafting Dieng – B

  I like this pick of Gorgui Dieng a lot better than the Bazz choice. Seems like he’s got a few good things going for him: played on a ’ship team at L’ville, knows how to swat shots, is a learner and a hustler and a passer, isn’t afraid of the Minnesota cold. If he has any semblance of a jump shot or hook, he’s an immediate upgrade over Stiemsma as the backup. Plus, his name means “the old one” in his native Senegalese language—which mirrors his age (23) condition as an NBA draft pick, which seems like a plus.

7. F.A. Signing of Martin – A

  My fave move of the offseason thus far. Seems like Wolves got the class of the free agent shooting guards that were available this year when they agreed to sign Kevin Martin. I like him more than JJ Redick, who plays no D, and is one-dimensional on O with his threeball. I like him more than OJ Mayo, who still seems like he’s got an offcourt problem or two in him and isn’t a proven threeballer, though he can D and is young. I like him more than Mike Dunleavy, who’s got no D and is two years older.

Pretty smooth. Pretty chic. Can he shoot?

  An added bonus is that Kev-Mart’s signed for $7 mill/yr for next four years, lot less than the $14 mill he made last season with OKC. And he’s tall for a two at 6-7. And he’s done well for Coach A in two prev stints. Let the era of Kev-Mart’s cockeyed, wrong-side-of-the-head-releasing jump shot begin. Just hope those shots go in.

8. F.A. Signing of Neon Chase – B

  This seemed like it was never in doubt—that Chase Budinger was going to end up with the Wolves rather than Milwaukee or whomever else was feigning interest in him. I’m not a firm believer in Neon Chase’s game yet, but I was encouraged by the taste he gave us last season, knee injury notwithstanding. Can light up the three and is more athletic than he looks with that neon yellow mop and invisible goatee. Would like to take a deeper look at his ability on D. Another guy that seems to want to play for Adelman bodes well for Adelman’s grip on the ship.

9. Losing Kirilenko – D

  I’m giving a D as much to Andrei himself as I am to the Wolves. Why he’d walk away from $10 mill to play for us next season seems like a bonehead move—couldn’t he still parlay free agency NEXT season into the longer term contract he’s said to be seeking THIS season? He’s 32. Next year he’ll be 33.

Don't cry, Love. Er, wait. Do.

  I liked Andrei. I think he was good for Alexey. I think he was an excellent defender and backcutter, which was good for Rubes and the entire spacing of the offense. He’s one of these guys whose efforts don’t show up in the box score always, but add to team chemistry, balance, and winning nature. Like Shane Battier. Like Steve Nash. Like KG in his dotage these days (by the way, love the Nets as a potential usurper of the Heat next year in the East). There’s a reason the Spurs are on Kirilenko’s tail.

10. Wooing Pekovic – A

  Seems like we’re well-positioned to bring back Big Pek. It’s gonna take some serious coin—could anyone have imagined such a scenario when he was buried on Kurt Rambis’s bench that first season (13 minutes, 5.5 pts, 3 rebounds per game) in 2010-11?  Good for Pek, I say. He doesn’t seem like some idiot that’s gonna blow all the money he gets. He’s more likely to reinvest it in an ice fishing house building factory.

  The guy has some deficiencies, for sure—no hops, little undersized height-wise, occasional lout on D, a bit tweak-prone when it comes to injuries—but I seriously enjoy watching him lumber into and through everyone who gets in his way down in the paint, and all with that no-nonsense demeanor. And his tattoos amuse and frighten me.