NBA Preview 2012-13

Welcome to LeBounce.

Thought I’d start off the blog by doing a 2012-13 NBA season preview. Rather than predict records, though, which is sort of pointless with such a long season, injuries, and in-season player movement, I thought I’d rank the teams in order from least interesting to most interesting.
So without further ado, here goes. 

30. Orlando Magic
The only way I’d watch this Dwight Howard-decimated outfit would be if they paid me to go. Maybe J.J. Reddick will get some bad poems out of their impending horrible season.

29. Wash. D.C. Wizards
Another real crummy team. They looked intriguing just a year ago, but that was before they all turned on each other and ran their coach out of town. John Wall might have some talent, but it’s buried in the capitol.

28. New Orleans Hornets
Gross. And, no, I don’t think Anthony Davis will win Rook of the Year. Damian Lillard is my pick. Naughty New Orleans deserves a sexier squad.

27. Charlotte Bobschits
Kemba Walker and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist are righteous hustlers. But, unfortunately, possibly in the same way that Bobby Hurley was…meaning, in college. The Bobs need some real players for once. Bismack Biyombo and DeSagana Diop aren’t gonna do it.

26. Toronto Raptors
How long have the Craptors been rebuilding now? Coach Dwane Casey may coax something out of this roster, whose biggest name is Andrea Bargnani (which should tell you something), but any chance at fielding a watchable team went out the window when Canadian-born Steve Nash’s flirtations with them ended with him being plucked by sthe Lakers.

25. Phoenix Sundowners
Look for the Sundowners to put their fans right to sleep this season. I saw enough of Michael Beasley’s half-lidded ways in Minnesota the last couple years to make me feel sorry for the next team to employ his services. Prob is, Beas is likely the most talented player in PHX. Shannon Brown? No. Wes Johnson? No. Goran Dragic? No. Jermaine O’Neal? No! No! Leave me alone, Phoenix—I don’t want to watch your clueless team. The only way this team wakes anyone up is if it gets arrested, which it might.

24. Sactown Kings
The Kings had one of the most watchable squads in the NBA in my lifetime with their Chris Webber-led teams that somehow never won it all around the turn of the 21st century. Since then, yuck. At the top of Yuck Mountain is their former rook of the year Tyreke Evans, a guy whose game was built for playing one-on-one. Hanging one pickaxe below him is DeMarcus Cousins, who has the frustrating-est combination of worst attitude and most talent since Derrick Coleman.

23. Cleveland Cavaliers
With apologies to my friends from Ohio, the Cavs have always seemed to me like the Washington Generals of the NBA. And though they have Globetrotter-like ball wizard Kyrie Irving, they ain’t gonna be no worldbeaters this season.

22. Detroit Pistons
Greg Monroe. Zzzz. Rodney Stuckey. Zzzz. Tayshaun Prince. Zzzzzzzzzz. Another snoozer of a team as of late includes the Motown Piss-tons. They need to go back to a gimmick, like fighting people as they did in the Bad Boys days of Rick Mahorn and Bill Laimbeer. Or maybe they just need to get former Bad Boys-Era guard Joe Dumars out of the shot-calling seat in the front office, since it seems he can’t identify talent, with a long track record to prove it. Even the team seems to know how boring it is, advertising a picture of the Rockets’ Jeremy Lin on their nba.com home page to try and drum up some excitement about their home opener. That’s embarrassing.

21. Indiana Pacers
The Pacemakers have long been an extremely boring team (and with their basketball hotbed-ness, I just don’t get it), even when they had a taste of success in the Reggie Miller years. I mean, the only reason people might’ve watched the Pacers back then was to see if someone—Spike Lee? Latrell Sprewell? Rick Mahorn?—would strangle Miller, a one-dimensional Hall of Famer. These days I hear they’ve got a good team, but I’m willing to bet they’ll be middle of the road. And really, the only reason I might even consider watching this team is to see if Tyler Hansbrough strangles someone. Too bad Reggie’s retired. Maybe an intense sibling rivalry with Tyler’s brother Ben Hansbrough, a guard on the team, will spill over from the team hotel or bus or practice court, and Tyler will strangle him.

20. Milwaukee Bucks
Bucks Ball has been rough to watch since the days of the Milwaukee-Style Big Three featuring Glenn Big Dog Robinson and Ray Allen and Sammy Cassell. These days, I’d rather watch Everybody Hates Raymond (which I hate a lot) than sit through a Brandon Jennings shot-jacking session, er, Bucks game. The Bucks need to get lucky and draft a Kareem Abdul-Jabbar-type again. Or develop an Oscar Robinson. Or just make Scott Skiles player-coach because I bet he could still average ten assists a game. More than Jennings, anyway.

19. Atlanta Hawks
The Hawks have put up decent records the last couple years, but top player Josh Smith seems like the most likely-to-be-traded player in the NBA right now. I’d let him go, work with Al Horford as the centerpiece. But right now, Devin Harris isn’t scaring anyone, nor is Louis Williams, Jeff Teague, or Zaza Pachulia. Well, maybe Pachulia, but not because of his great play.

18. Philly 76ers
I sort of liked the feisty 76ers last year under the tutelage of Doug Collins, whom I believe was always shortchanged as a coach by Michael Jordan in a way that sort of shortchanged his expertise as an analyst and, later, a coach. But then they trade Andre Iguodala away and bring in Andrew Bynum, the creamiest puff in recent bigman history, and, well, I could give two shits about the Sixers now. Rocky Balboa would probably be a better pick-up for their team than Andrew Bynum, and Rocky’s a fictional film character. Come to think of it, Bynum’s talent seems fictional as well.

17. Memphis Grizzles
The Grizz are ranked much too highly in many of the preseason guesses I’ve perused. I don’t see it. I’ve never been a believer in Zach Randolph, even though he has resurged the last couple years. Rudy Gay is pretty tough, but…. I like Mike Conley all right, but…. Marc Gasol, beast on the boards, but…. The only thing I’m convinced of is that they have a tough coach. Maybe if I lived in Memphis I’d be interested in watching this team. They seem fun to root for. But….

16. New York Knicks
The Knicks have long been annoying to me, going back to the days of Patrick Ewing, I suppose, whose game was one of the ugliest of the uglies. Now they’ve got the second coming of Allen Iverson in Carmelo Anthony, a one-on-one talent who has to be goaded every game by someone to play team ball. Ugh. Who has the energy for that? Add to that that Amare Stoudemire is sort of a big baby with a sensitive ego the size of the Big Apple itself. Ugh. Dumb owners. Ugh. Annoying, self-important media men. Ugh. No more Jeremy Lin. Ugh. Jason Kidd, AARP. Ugh. Maybe they’ll make the playoffs and win a game or two. Ugh.

 15. L.A. ClipJoint
Count me as one of the few people unamazed by the athletic feats of Blake Griffin. Count me as one of the few people unconvinced of Chris Paul’s point guard greatness. Count me as one of the many people who’ve never seen the L.A. Clippers do a damn thing in the NBA playoffs. Until something happens, I’m not too interested, and I actually kinda hope they miss the playoffs.

 14. Golden State Warriors
I thought Coach Mark Jackson would make more of an impact on this team last season, but they stunk pretty bad. Stephen Curry seems about as durable as one of those Precious Moments figurines. Same for Andrew Bogut, their big new off-season acquisition. Klay Thompson looks like a talented young guy, and I’ve always liked Jarret Jack, because he’s a glue-y point man. But I could easily see another sub-500 season, here.

13. Houston Rockets
It seems like the Rockets have been scrambling for some time, now, but they always seem to be competitive. They never suck. And they are routinely better than you think when you think they might stink (see last season, for example) or the opposite: worse when you think they should be good (see the Yao and McGrady years). They seem like they are poised to stink this year. So I’ll do a Costanza and predict that they’ll be good. Acquiring James Harden and Jeremy Lin—two ballgamers—and having a coach who does especially well with heady guys in Kevin McHale will serve them well.

12. San Antone Spurs
The best team in the NBA that I could care less about watching, year after year after year after year after Duncan after Duncan after year after Parker after Duncan after year. I imagine San Antonians love their team and enjoy supporting them, but I’ve just never been able to get excited about them. I appreciate them, which is different, and what they’re going for, but how about some personality?

11. Portland T-Blazers
Wasn’t Portland just loading up for a long run (much in the way of the T-Wolves this season) a few years back? I was really digging the players and coaches they had on board, though almost everything that could go wrong did. Now they’re stripped down to LaMarcus Aldridge and Nic Batum, with intriguing rookie Damian Lillard thrown into the mix. Maybe new coach Terry Stotts can get something out of them, but who knows. Their season could go either way.

10. Utah Jazz Flutes
With one of my least favorite Timberwolves—Big Al Jefferson, with his ball-pounding offensive moves and matador style on D—now headlining in Utah, I sort of feel sorry for Jazz fans. But they have other interesting players in big men Enes Kanter and Derrick Favors and swingmen Gordon Hayward, Paul Milsap, and Randy Foye. But the point looks rough. Earl Watson? Mo Williams? Jamaal Frickin Tinsley. Yikes. I think they got lucky to make the playoffs last year, and I see the lottery in the near future.

9. Chicago Bulls
The prospects of the Bulls of ’12-13 hearken back to the prospects of the Bulls of ’94-95—remember the year Jordan suddenly retired? That’s what it seems like for Chi-town this season with Derrick Rose out most or all of the season. Like the Jordan-less Bulls who still had Pippen and Kukoc and a decent coach in the pre-prima donna Phil Jackson, the Rose-less Bulls have some hustlers like Luol Deng and Joakim Noah and Taj Gibson around with a smart whistle man at the helm in Tom Thibodeau.

8. Dallas Mavericks
I really enjoyed watching the Mavs come together to stuff the Heat for the title in ’10-11, but since then, Dirk Nowitzki has gone downhill quickly, and other key elements of that team, namely Jason Terry and Ty Chandler, bolted too soon. Now they’ve got has-beens like Vince Carter hanging around. It’s a little sad, though I’m holding out hope for Dirk. A side problem of trying to watch the Mavericks is having to take in Mark Cuban’s whiney box of a face 34 times per telecast. If I didn’t live so far from Dallas, I might go to a game just so I could see the Mavs play without having to look at Cuban.

7. Denver Nuggets
The Nuggets always seem to have pretty good chemistry and a couple of skilled players/interesting characters. From Fat Lever to Michael Adams to Kiki Vandeweigh to Doug Moe to Dikembe Mutombo to the recent days of Birdman Anderson and coach George Karl, it’s been a likable bunch. Yeah, their uniforms are baby blanket colors, so you won’t see me buying their jersey for my kids or anything, but I like the Nuggies. I think they’ll be good, too, this year, with the recent addition of Andre Iguodala to go with that Mozgov guy inside who’s shaping up to be not such a stiff, and the Italian sharpshooter Danny Gallinari, and hustler Corey Brewer and Kenneth Faried. Not that I’m hanging around on their website all day or anything, but their cheerleading squad ain’t half bad, either. http://www.nba.com/nuggets/dance/meet-2012-13-nuggets-dancers

6. Brooklyn Nets
Let’s see, could it be? The Nets are actually watchable this year? Yes, it’s possible, for the first time since the ABA days of Doctor J. Don’t give me that crap about the Nets in the late ’90s when they made the Finals with Jason Kidd, whose jumper has always been as broke as America is now—those were just a couple of lean years in the NBA. But the Nets gots a new arena and a newfound hope with Deron Williams (who’s got genuine game) at the helm, the talented Lopez Twin and Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband underneath, and Gerald Wallace and Joe Johnson on the wings. Speaking of Joe Johnson, can anyone else not forget that playoff game where he about ruined his head by falling on it? Well, I can’t. It was scary. http://content.usatoday.com/sports/_photos/2005/05/12/inside-jjohnson.jpg

5. Miami Heat
I like the Heat because villains are necessary. The cockiness, shelteredness, and sense of entitlement with which LeBron James operates just galls me. Yeah, he can play, has been given and has developed some of the most attractive skill sets of any basketballer, ever. But the way he handles himself (or lets himself be handled, maybe) is deplorable. The lack of humility is the worst part. Have you seen the season opening commercials with all the KIDS THANKING LeBRON for everything he does for them? What are these commercials sponsored by? The LeBron James Foundation. Does he really need kids to thank him? Is his ego that … sensitive/big/blind?
 To make matters worse for the Heat, Dwyane Wade has seemed to take on some of these qualities, too, after being a cool cat during the first part of his career. Bosh and his wide-open, celebrating mouth, same. I kind of like some of their bench guys—especially Shane Battier, Ray Allen, and Mike Miller when he’s on his game—but the main reason to watch the Heat is that they’re undeniably good. I hope they push somebody else to win it.

4. Boston Celtics I’m still upset with KG for leaving the Timberwolves—don’t give me that crap about “He was traded, blah, blah, blah,” because if he really wanted to stay, he would still be here, playing out his final years as Minnesota’s ALL-TIME favorite athlete, even above Kirby Puckett—but I still can’t help but love him, too. He’s a team guy, a guy who just knows how to play basketball, not to be confused with one-on-one, which the rest of the NBA’s players have been confused about for years. Paul Pierce is a gamer, too, and now that Ray Allen’s gone, maybe Rondo’s feathers will smoothen and he’ll fix that broke-ass jumper to go with his astounding floor play.
  Another reason I’m interested in this team is because they acquired Darko Milicic, who I’d put 5-1 odds on to be killed by Garnett this season, after he fails to mentally show up for practice for the 27th time. Rather than Miami, I’d love to see the ’Tics come out of the East. A contender this year, for sure, and, more importantly, probably the most watchable team in the league, night in and out, because they always try.

3. L.A. Lakers
This Lake-Show squadron reminds me a lot of the Lakers of 2003-04, a team that boasted a starting five with four future HOFers—Kobe Bryant, Shaq O’Neal, Gary Payton, and Ka’Malone. Those guys made the Finals (beating the best team in Wolves history in the West Conf Finals, which only happened because Sam Cassell wrenched his back and couldn’t play, damn it!) only to get outclassed by the upstart Detroit Pistons. The current contingent of Lakers also has four of five starters slotted for the Hall of Fame someday (Kobe, Pau Gasol, Steve Nash, Dwight Howard) and then one guy who will probably be institutionalized in Ron Artest. But three of their four studs are getting old, and the other is creaky as hell not to mention immature—yeah, Superman, I’m talking to you! And with unconvincing coach Mike Brown leading the way, I just don’t see a title.
  Though any team Nash plays for—even when he’s at the Y or on a playground somewhere at age 70—will be worth the watch. The guy knows how to pass like no other, he can shoot like a mother, and now there’s an element of “Wow, he’s really old to still be running around like that.” Bless him.

2. OKC Thunder
Watchable, capable, and laudable, the OKC Thunder are primed for a serious run in ’12-13. Trading Harden was smart because it took the media pressure off the team (the kind of annoyance that wobbled Cleveland, Orlando, Denver, New Jersey, and L.A. in recent campaigns) and now there’s no doubt about who will do the motherload of the scoring with Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook just entering their primes. The picks ‘n’ players OKC received in the big trade were nice, too, especially Kevin Martin to fill Harden’s role as resident three-baller and rim-charger. These guys will be there in the end. I just wish the place was the city of Seattle, the rightful owners of the franchise.

1. Minnesota T-Wolves
Sure I’m biased. This is a T-Wolves blog. I’m a lifelong Minnesotan and basketball guy. But I remember the days when the franchise started in 1989—I was in ninth grade and damn excited that my home state was finally getting an NBA team, even if it was populated with the likes of Tod Murphy, Scott Roth, Randy Breuer, Brad Lohaus, Sid Lowe, Pooh Richardson, Sudden Sam Mitchell, Doug West, and our best player, Tony Campbell. And we Timberwolves fans waited seven years until drafting Kevin Garnett and fielding a winner, enjoyed eight years of playoff-caliber teams, and now have gone through another eight-year postseason draught.
  Starting with this 2012-13 season, I’m more than confident in predicting a nice long stretch of contending teams, or as long as Rick Rubio and Kevin Love are around, get bless their mending bods. I’m in love with Rubio’s b-ball IQ and infectious winning attitude, and I’m a big fan of Coach Rick Adelman’s similar qualities, and that’s what’s going to push this team into the playoffs this year. An improved Derrick Williams would be nice, which may depend on Adelman letting him off the leash a little bit more often, and a healthy Love and Pekovic will do wonders. Brandon Roy could be the steal of the free agent pool if he can stay on the court, and the Wolves have hustlers to go in Amundson, Cunningham, Steimsma, Ridnour, Budinger, and Kirilenko.
  And that’s not even mentioning the player I see as the biggest sleeper on the team, if not in the NBA: Alexey Shved. I watched this guy play for Russia in the Olympics and saw a guy who was very Rubio-like in his anticipatory playmaking and defending skills, a guard with excellent height (6-6), and a shooter with range capable of getting hot. His weaknesses (slightness, streakiness, propensity to hang his head) will limit him, some, but I get the feeling that Adelman likes him, wants to use him (remember the way he played the wild Jason Williams as a rook in Sactown?), and is building him up for a solid role on this team. Don’t be surprised if Alexey Shved is the T-Wolves’ best playmaker while Rubio is out.
 There’s nothing better than a team that can pass, and this team is built on ball-sharing visionaries, hustlers, and shooters. If all the parts are working, this team is a surprise contender capable of beating the aging Lakers and Celtics, one-two punch-heavy Thunder, and one-on-one-playing Heat.